I remember writing so many posts about being sick and I wanted to balance that out a little by saying, "I'm well!"
And I have been for quite some time.
I think stress had a great deal to do with the all the sickness and pain I experienced in 2010 and 2011. The stressors lightened and I stopped getting sick so much. Changing schools last year helped A LOT. I can't publicly explain what was going on there that was so stressful, but I am very glad to see it behind me. I spent most of 2012 much happier and healthier, and so far in 2013 I am healthy!
You know... this is a really good time to bring up the Facebook depression syndrome. I heard this somewhere and I think it's painfully true: We look at Facebook and we compare our lives to the "highlight reels" of other people's lives. Honestly, if I looked at my own FB wall from someone else's perspective, I'd probs be jealous of me. So I'm gonna put it out there for ya; you know those times when your heart is broken and you're curled up on the ground sobbing, thinking you really might not have the strength to get through it this time? I had one of those in December and another one in February, both fallout from my divorce. We all go through these times and I'm not ashamed to admit that my life is not my Facebook highlight reel.
I had a friend that I called on for help tell me, "You're strong." I told her that I'm not. The well of my strength has a bottom. I thought of that quote, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," and I thought yeah, if it doesn't kill you. I also said to her, "Some people don't get through stuff like this because they don't have friends like you." And it's true. In this atmosphere of 60 hour work weeks, online social networking, communicating through text, feeling like we keep in touch because we see each others Facebook pictures... it's all a sham. We need eye contact, and touch, and people to lean on. We need to talk face to face. People put their happiest moments out there because we all want to look and feel successful and happy. We get this stunted feeling of accomplishment and pride by posting super cool pictures of ourselves looking cute or standing in front of some desirable location. But that shit barely scrapes the surface of what each of our lives is actually like...
Example: I test drove a Jaguar XK in LA. My mom loves Jaguars and she passed that love onto me (although I'm upset that Jag is owned by Ford and I pretend that Ford Taurus masquerading as a Jaguar doesn't exist). I got in that beautiful automobile and indeed it was like sitting in a work of art. It's a beautiful thing, and I appreciate beauty and quality. I drove it down the road and on the highway, and luckily my salesman was new to the area and got us lost, so I got to drive it around for about an hour in Pasadena, CA. When I started that day, I was desirous of the car and everything it stood for: Wealth, prestige, beauty. Once I had driven it I realized that it was just a car. Yeah, it was a really nice car, but just a car just the same.
What I'm saying is that people's lives, from the outside, look shiny and sparkly. Other people's lives look like something maybe better than what we have, something to feel a little friendly jealousy over. But really, mostly people are all having good days and bad days, just like you.
Anyway, I started by saying that I'm healthy. People around me in my office are hacking up lungs left and right. The floor is a mess I tell you! And lungs are not pretty! But I'm chillin' with two spacious and unimpeded nostrils to breath through.
Knox is wonderful and perfect and amazing. Every day he gets ready for school and says, "Mommy are these new socks?" And I say, "Yes!" And he says, "Yaaaaay!" I bought him new socks in December and even though they aren't really new anymore I say yes anyway cause he gets so happy and says he's going to show all of his friends his new socks. And then last Friday I really did get him 3 pairs of new socks and today he about had a meltdown because I suggested he wear socks from the drawer instead of the new ones on the living room floor. Kids.
Speaking of kids, I'm baby crazy and I want like 5 babies RIGHT NOW. That actually is a source of minor despair from day to day 'cause it takes a lot to create the right situation for that, and I'm nowhere close. I pray, hope, dream, visualize, and try to get on with my days.
I can't believe I'm moving back to the USA!! I have almost exactly 5 months until departure. It's about time to start checking on flights!! I can't believe it. And my visa expires on August 1st, so I'll be leaving on a jet plane on July 31st! Get ready Momma! Here we come!