You know, when I applied to the JET program and I was waiting for the response, I remember telling my doula that I could not imagine- could not fathom- getting that call and hearing someone tell me I was moving to Japan. When I thought about it, it was like my brain couldn't go there. I felt like an invisible force pressed itself up against me and that I couldn't move on.
But, I did get that call and here I am, in Japan. Now I feel that same way about the GRE and the application process to get into graduate school.
I have to pass the GRE somehow. I'm sure I'm exaggerating the difficulty and maybe even the importance of it, but this is how I feel. And then the rest of it... letters of recommendation, choosing my writing sample, writing the letter of intent, ordering transcripts, and compiling all of this stuff from far away in Japan. I guess I'll get it done somehow.
I wanted to go to graduate school in THE SOUTH. Really, I wanted to go in Tennessee or North Carolina because the schools most attractive to me are in those places and because I have friends in both of those states. Alabama, Georgia, and South Carolina just don't appeal to me, and Louisiana, Arkansas, and the rest REALLY don't appeal to me. Don't know why. Arbitrary feeling or intuition, I don't know. I like the idea of Massachusetts. I like liberal, intellectual snobs. They are my favorite. But, my soul is more southern and I want to be closer to home. BUT, Peter wants to be in Florida, and I want Knox to be with his daddy AND me. So, I might go for the University of Florida or the University of Miami. I have very close friends in Miami, too, so that might be cool... I was just looking for a more relaxed setting. A place where, when I walk around the corner, I might find a pasture of horses. Maybe some piggies. A place without so much neon. Miami... I do love the ocean, and I can't feign that I wouldn't like to shake my booty to some decent music on the weekends. I'm sure Miami could provide that. Oita sho nuf can't.
I feel a little stuck. A little like, what should I do when? I'm a lounger and a dreamer; not very good at organizing myself. That's why my mom did my college applications. LOL. I need someone to keep me moving. My mom was that person most of my life, I had friends in LA that helped me figure out how to be proactive and get organized, Peter helped me a lot along the way, Kimberly keeps me blogging regularly, and I'm sure there have been other friends who helped keep me motivated in small ways that all added up to big things for me. We all need a little help from our friends.
I'll get there, even if it takes me some time.