Get ready people: I'm feelin' the fire. That's what the Boss will do to you. I know you know who the Boss is. No, dummy, it's not Andy Samberg. No, it's not Seth Rogan, either. It's Tommy Lee Jones.
You know why I like to write? 'Cause I can make jokes without anyone interrupting. Don't you hate when you are at the pub and you are gonna say something miraculously funny, and then everyone is distracted because some asshole is like, "Hey, look, I love this commercial!" and then the moment is dead and your awesome joke never gets born. Actually, lack of interruption is a perk of posting that I just thought of, but it's not really why I like to write.
Ok. This has been on my mind, and I'm gonna talk it out wit cha. So, when I have something difficult to say, I do it in a few ways. Category #1: I say it. Cat #2: I write it. Cat #3: I say it after lots of prodding (by myself or someone else) and I probably cry while I do it. Cat #4: I never say it. There are probably sub- categories, and Cat #3 should probably be a sub- category. Maybe not though. You'd be surprised how often that actually happens. I'm not that smart and I have a big mouth, you know.
Now, I have been trying to figure this thing out so that I can understand it and free myself of it, as I try to do with all unhealthy practices. Once I become cognizant of dis-ease in my life, I try to do something about it. I don't want to feel this uncomfortable tension between me and the world when I have something to say that I perceive will not be received well, and I don't think it's necessary. It's just something I have to observe and release.
So, for the first step in dissolving this discomfort, I tried to observe my feelings and thoughts, which led right quick to a visualization... or like, an awareness of the physical manifestation of my tension... A wee tangent; people seem to treat intuition, and feelings especially, with inadequate respect because they are intangible. Maybe they are intangible, but they are not abstract, and they are extremely valuable to us if tapped. Intuition and feelings may be abstruse, but they are real...
So, the awareness... when I shift my focus to observe this thing that is happening with me, I am aware of a blob-like force field between me and the object of my discomfort. There is tension. I have been trying to find the right words to describe this thing, so I tried to draw a picture of it. Why the picture? It's always good to think of things from different perspectives. I wanted to see it out of me and on the paper as to inspire new and different thoughts, and words. I drew myself in stick-figure glory, and I drew the Earth as seen from space (Americas-centered). I also drew the tension-blob force field. So there is me, and there is the world. First of all, it is interesting that I see myself as separate from the world. That's definitely a point of value, and possibly the only point that ultimately matters in my quest. Second of all, and which interested me more at the time, is that when I drew the tension-blob, without thinking I drew it at my head and my stomach. This made me think of the chakras, which made me think of Natalia.
Natalia is my female soul-mate, I think. We were neighbors in LA for almost 3 years, and became great friends. Now I live in Japan and she lives in Hawaii. Natalia does Reiki and a bunch of other cool stuff.
I think there is something to the location of the TBFF (tension-blob force field). On one hand, it might be interesting to figure out what the significance is; that's the Freudian hand that wants to know about the blob's childhood and shit. On the other hand, the hand I prefer, it makes no difference what the significance is...
AWWWWWWWE shit. Remember when I wrote A Healthy Whole and I said I didn't have the energy to expound upon my spiritual beliefs? I think now is the time.
You see, I believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. I know, cliche. But I believe it, so I'm funna say it. I believe in all the cliches; "All you need is love," "Love conquers all," "God is everything and everything is God," "We are the world, we are the children" and all that jive... I believe that we are not separate from God and that God is not separate from "us." (There can't be an "us" because then there has to be a "them" or some representative of that, and I don't believe that it exists.) We all are. It all is. That's my truth. What happens is that we get separated from the truth by tension-blob force fields. All the TBFFs are the same, even if they are different. They are shadow. TBFFs are the thoughts and resulting feelings we have about everything. Sure, we usually only complain when things aren't to our liking, but TBFFs can be good or bad. When they are really great and awesome, perhaps we feel better than others. Separation. When our TBFFs are bad, perhaps we feel lonely. Separation. We are not separate; we CREATE separation.
At the first moment we are just aware. In moments following we judge. In the space in between awareness and judgement lives our divinity. Our judgements open up space between ourselves and others, or the world, or whatever, and in that space manifest unhappiness, dissatisfaction, fear, and the like. Those things are our tension-blob force fields. If we are not at peace, then we've got a TBFF to bring the light of our attention to. By "light of our attention" I mean our awareness, our consciousness, and only that. Awareness separate from thought. Consciousness separate from judgement. How much time can pass between one's awareness of something and one's judgement of that thing? That, my friends, is what I call meditation, and that's why meditation calms and heals; because you are spending time in the space of your divinity, and that's home. That's heaven.
Problems occur when we fail to use the resource of our presence. If I go straight from awareness to judgement, I am not present. I am a hostage of my mind, which is a part of my temporal human body. It's not ME. When we let the mind run off unchecked, we let the sound of our own wheels drive us crazy, as The Eagles so aptly warned. If I can get my brain to shut the fuck up for a quick minute, and focus my awareness on my personal TBFF, I can dissolve it. I created it with my mind, and I have the power to dissolve it, if I use the tools at my disposal. How to get the mind to quiet down and how to hone that power is another story. Practice is a huge factor.
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. I am the walrus. Goo goo g'joob.
I'm not going to talk about it a whole lot because I can't find a citation, but I once heard about a group in Europe or the Middle East that discovered a text from biblical times. From what I remember, they did a new translation that was of some validity. They translated, again, John 14:6, "I am the way and the truth and the life." This tenet of Christianity covers pretty much everything and is used ad nauseam. The re-translation went something a little different: "The way and the truth and the life are in you." Whatever the case that was true in the world, this latter version is what I believe.
I believe that the light is in us. I believe that it is the essence of us and free of time. Whenever I feel bad about something, I remember that there is a part of me, and I believe of you, that is absolutely perfect and cannot be diminished by anyone or anything. Truly, there is nothing that we can say or do to earn our way to everlasting life or heaven. It's hard to earn something you already have.