I have this thing where if I don't stop and write at the moment my muse stirs, I lose it. I mean, not my mind or anything: I lose the idea, or the spirit with which I was cogitating. I mention it 'cause right now I want to write and I have time to write, but I'm not feelin' the mojo. Also, I need to pump out the posts or my stats will sink, which are the weights to my feelings-of-self-worth-buoy. Just kidding! Sort of. I do love my stats. I share that narcissism with A.J. Jacobs (he talks about it in The Year of Living Biblically), and like a million other artistic people.
So, I got another box from Victora's Secret and I got a Victoria's Secret credit card. I can hear the moans from across the ocean, but I swear, I'm... I was just gonna swear that I was in control, but I'm not. I'm not gonna lie or deceive myself. I love shopping. I love the feel of the super soft VS sweat pants, and having, I think for the first time in my life, matching bras and underwear that are not black or nude. I've had a couple cute things over time, but very far and few between, and I had never owned anything from VS PINK until about 2 days ago... But, I AM a little bit in control. I'm only using the card to get free stuff, which the company sends you because you are using the card, and to maintain/build credit in America. I can't just drop off the credit map for a couple of years. I pay for an order and then go straight to my online VS account to pay it... I know, that's not helping build my credit much, but it's something (the credit companies LIKE to see a person maintain a balance and then pay it responsibly over time, but I don't wanna do that 'cause money has never really clicked with me and I don't want to forget to pay it. Basically, the credit companies will get the proof they are looking for: I'm challenged when it comes to asset management).
You'll be glad to hear that things with me and Victoria's Secret are slowing down. This is happening because I now own everything they have to offer me and my current needs. I mean, I don't really have a situation where I'm gonna need the cowgirl teddy, so I'm not going to order it. I might go for a thing or two here and there, but this recent obsession is ebbing. On to J. Crew! Ann Taylor! American Apparel! Banana Republic! Just kidding. Actually, now that I mention it, I'm going to check out BR. I'm jonesin' for a Christmas-green cable-knit crew-neck silk/cotton-blend sweater. Yeah, I get specific. I'd say throw a little cashmere in, but even I, at my income level, know to stay away from $200 sweaters... you know, for the most part. Wahahahahaha!!!!
Knox is great. Although, I'm more a Sergeant than a Mommy. I worry that I am too hard on him. I don't know if it's his personality or if it is that he is 2, but he won't do anything I ask if I'm not all business. Bribes work, usually, but I'm not really into that. The trouble is that he's just like me: Rascally, exceptionally stubborn, and SENSITIVE. He won't do something, so I turn on Army Mommy, and he breaks down and cries with the saddest face I've ever seen, and I want to cry because I caused it.
It seems like I get to be with him so little, and during the time I am with him I'm making him cry. ;-( It also doesn't help that I have high expectations. I've taught 2-4 year olds ballet and tap since I was about 9 or 10 years old, as an assistant and a teacher, and I never realized how little they were until I had Knox. My classes were not disguised baby sitting. Two years old or no, you better get up on them toes. Now though, I know how young they really are, and I see that babies are not just little adults. Also with the expectations, I was at a Japanese friend's house last night and her kid was sitting on her lap at the computer, purposely pulling paper off of the bottom shelf with his feet. It was going everywhere, and he was so proud of himself. If that was Knox, we would've had words for sure. As they say, parenthood doesn't come with a manual.
He's beautiful, though, and maybe it's mommy bias, but he seems so smart and talented and funny!! He sings songs, like Bruno Mars' The Lazy Song, and he even does the vocal scats. And he'll fake me out, which seems like a smart thing to be able to do for a 2 year old. He's such an actor, and he even has different degrees of acting where sometimes he's doing it for a laugh, and sometimes he's totally method and really trying to get something. Being a mommy is so not easy, but I love my little bubby boo boo.
Peter has his own apartment now. He has described it as "pimp", but I haven't seen it yet to confirm. His walk to downtown is 12 minutes, which is indeed pimp. He has only slept there for the past 2 nights, so we are early in the transition, but now that he has officially moved in to his own place I wanted you all to know. I think this is excellent for both of us. We are both really happy with this change.
'Tis the season of Bounenkais (end of year parties) and holiday traveling. I have friends going to Australia, England, and Thailand, to name a few, and I'll spend a few days and maybe New Year's Eve in and near Tokyo. I had planned on Okinawa, but I'll save that for Golden Week in May, or the summer. Plans change.
Again, I'll tell you that I love Japan. I want to stay. I don't know for how long, but life here is very good. Neither my mind nor my heart say go. I can't imagine, right now, making the choice to leave this life. I really want to visit the United States, maybe next summer, maybe next Christmas... I need to meet my nephew Aiden!! There are lots of people I need to see. I'm off.