Sunday, September 25, 2011

Byouki Ballet

Byouki means sick.  I am sick.  Please ready the jet, Alexander, I require my mommy.

Actually, I need drugs.  I long for NyQuil, DayQuil, and Sudafed.  Especially NyQuil.  The glory of NyQuil is solidified by its mention by several comedians who were/are funny enough that you know their names.

Mitch Hedberg:  "What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable."

Lewis Black:  "I like a cold, because I get to do my favorite drug, which is NyQuil. I love that stuff. What do the rest of you use, Robitussin? Robitussin, why do you even bother? Non-narcotic, sissy-pansy bullshit. NyQuil's got the best thing I've ever read on a medicine package, 180 proof. It's the moonshine of medicine. You can buy it on a holiday. See, cause when I got a cold, I want something that's gonna *snaps* fuck me up. Cause that way the blur seems interesting. There's a day time NyQuil, there's a night time NyQuil, drink either one you want...cause your cold doesn't give a shit what time it is."

Denis Leary:  "I don't do illegal drugs anymore. Now I just do the legal drugs. Tonight I'm on NyQuil and Sudafed. Let me tell you something, folks. Forget about cocaine and heroine. All you need is NyQuil and Sudafed. I'm telling you right now, I took the NyQuil five years ago. ... I love NyQuil. Man, I love it!  It's never changed. All the other medicines are doing that inner-child thing. "we know that there's a small child inside of you, so now we have grape and cherry and orange flavor." Not NyQuil! They still have the original green death fucking flavor! You know why!? Because it doesn't matter what it tastes like! It's so strong you go, "*wheeze* Hey this stuff really tastes like.." Bang! Yer in the coma already! "What happened?" "He said tastes like and he went right into the coma, it was unbelievable!" We have reached the point where the over the counter drugs are actually stronger than anything you can buy on the street. It says on the back of the NyQuil box, on the back of the box it says, "May cause drowsiness." It should say, "Don't make any fucking plans! Kiss your family and friends goodbye. ... NyQuil is the secret for all you twelve step recovery program people. Yes, all you AA people, NyQuil is the key! It's the thirteenth fucking step! You can drink it! It's over the counter! Drink as much as you want. "Are you drunk?" "No! I have a cold. Same cold I've had for two years. I just can't seem to shake it. I'm high as a kite and my teeth are green. Merry fucking Christmas!"

The trouble is that NyQuil, DayQuil, and Sudafed are illegal in Japan.  What do the people do when they get mind twisting, insanity inducing sinus infections, as I have gotten about once a year for the past 6 or 7 years?  Seriously.  Last January - my sinus infection usually visits uninvited in January - I thought I was going to lose my mind, and there was just nothing to take.  I got sinus meds from the pharmacy and my usual slew of meds from the doctor (he prescribes me a stomach medicine, an antihistamine, an antibiotic, and a pain med every time no matter what I go in for.   National Health care is brilliant, but there are issues.)  I settled for a few moments of relief here and there by eating jalapenos and cayenne pepper.  So, this year, I'm not playing games.  Well, actually, that's exactly what I'm going to do, but I can't tell you what games I'm going to play, lest you ruin my evil plan!  Wahahahaha!

Since I just mentioned Lewis Black, and I may never get the chance to brag about this again, I'll tell you that I've had stand-up lessons with him.  I now know that I can't do stand up comedy.  This class ended up being torture for me.  We were all at a party one night and Lewis Black came up to talk to me about my routine, and I started crying.  He hugged me and gave me a really nice pep talk.  We were friends for that couple of months.  Maybe he wouldn't want you to know this, but he's a really sweet man.

And now for the ballet!  Despite being sick, I went to the ballet last night.  I already had my ticket, and I doubt another ballet will come around soon that I know about, cause if it is mentioned without a big picture of somebody in a tutu, it is lost on me because I can hardly read in this country.  I ran into a friend at the door who rushed me to my seat and ran away.  She is a ballet teacher, so maybe she had something to do with the show.  I wasn't really prepared to be moving that fast, but she was nice.

I felt terrible sitting between this woman and this young girl blowing my nose and coughing throughout the performance.  I tried to keep it to a minimum.  As is common in Japan with most things in my life, I didn't know what show I was going to see; when I buy lunch, I'm not really sure what's going to be in it, when I buy medicine, I'm not exactly sure what it's for, and when I go to the bank, I press buttons until the money comes out.  When a loud speaker comes on and then the masses start walking in a certain direction, I just go with them.  I've gotten used to it; turns out I was going to see The Nutcracker.  Funny, I've never seen The Nutcracker in September before.  But, Christmas in Japan is kinda like Chinese New Year in America:  No one really cares when it actually is, so on with the show!

The show was fine.  The two principal dancers were professionals and the rest of the performers were students from the Oita area.  I really enjoy going to stage performances, so I'm not too concerned if it isn't exactly ABT.  I made it through the show and went home to bed.

Other than that, I have been busily preparing for Halloween.  I LOVE Halloween.  I love it I love it I love it.  Last Halloween was fantastic, and I hope this year is just as fun.  Of course, Halloween isn't so easy to prepare for in a country that doesn't really celebrate it.  There are no costume shops that I am aware of.  They don't sell face paint.  So, I've been piecing things together and making my Amazon orders to people in America who will then ship/bring my stuff.  It's a bit of work, but it's fun. 

I'm only 3/4 conscious, so I hope this post was coherent enough.

From Japan,
Tiffany

1 comment:

bobbert said...

I completely agree, I just caught my first "real" cold after moving to Japan a year and a half ago, and not having *quil is driving me nuts. The Japanese medicine just does not cut it....