Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A Fantasy Story In Progress

Hi.  I've been writing a story for a long time.  I add to it now and then.  I'm going to share a small bit of it with you.  I'd really like feedback, so please leave comments or write me a Facebook message or something.  Let me know what's good, what sucks, how it made you feel, and such.  

This excerpt is out of context, so here are just a few things that you need to know:     

Mae and Jenner discover an enchanted forest that has a mind of its own.
They have discovered that they can hear each other’s thoughts when they are in the forest.
Fina, Vestia and Cristianna are nice fairies that Jenner met the 1st time he entered the forest.

The Dark Fairy

     They walked on in silence, disjointed thoughts floating around in their heads.  They each mulled over the meaning and the how of the forest, which was governed by no laws of time or space that they were accustomed to.  Mae had seen enough of the forest now to know that she could not make sense of it.  Her thoughts were stilled by confusion.  Talking, for the moment, seemed futile.
     They didn't know the way, but Jenner and Mae knew they had to keep going.  They had to find the prisoner.  Jenner paused.  Mae looked back at him and saw his face.  She didn't have to ask him why he had stopped or what was wrong.  She felt it, too.  They stood there under the trees in the darkening day, and let tears run down their faces.  They averted their eyes and let the other think they hadn't seen.  Mae walked on, listening to Jenner's footsteps catch up not long after, and they fell back into step with each other, each feeling inexplicable heartbreak.  
     Mae's sudden grip on Jenner's shirt shocked him.  He thought the skin on his chest might be broken from the way she stopped him, her nails digging into him.  Within a second he took a sharp breath, looked at Mae, and then found her reason for doing it with his eyes.  They stood still and silent, watching a fairy supping at the carcass of some long dead creature. 
     Mae turned her chin and leaned to Jenner, but kept her eyes on the winged girl.  She spoke to him under a whisper, and Jenner had to formulate meaning from the few words he grasped.
     “Is this who you saw?  Is she the one who told you about me?  The fairy?”
     “No!”  When Jenner answered, the fairy paused.  Mae’s hand, still rigid on Jenner’s chest, pressed in on him a little more. 
     They couldn’t talk or move and Mae’s terror silenced Jenner, so he decided to try to use their discovery; he mustered all of his concentration, focused on Mae and thought, This one is not the same
     For a moment Mae looked like she might faint.  Tears filled her eyes from the fright she felt when she thought he had spoken.  Mae's raised shoulders grew more tense, but as she looked to the grim fairy, Mae saw that the fairy kept on tearing into the thing, and Mae understood that Jenner had not spoken. 
     Then Jenner, so focused on Mae, heard a few broken words, heard his thoughts… worked…
     Jenner refocused on her, Yeah, it worked!  Mae, try.
     She looked at the plain and innocent ground and took a controlled breath before she looked at Jenner with a fiery intensity and, Can you hear me?
     How is she different?
     She’s nothing like the fairies I met.  They were friendly looking and playful.  I saw them nibble leaves and pick berries. 
     Then what is she?
     I don’t know, but she’s terrible.
     Conversing through thoughts was so much like speaking that Mae forgot herself and said, “But she’s soooo beautiful.”
     The terrible little dark fairy’s head rose from the carnage, her long, ragged dark hair spilling down her pale back.  She turned her head now, which had been in profile, in a way that made her features visible, and Jenner could see her face, so like Fina, Vestia and Cristianna, but radiating torment.
     Mae covered her mouth with her hands.  The fairy, her chin awash with blood, rose slowly into the air like a strange, morbid little humming bird, still holding a chunk of flesh from the dead thing on the ground.  She slowly brought the flesh to her mouth and ripped it in half with her teeth, which Mae and Jenner saw barred for a moment.  She chewed slowly, all the while piercing them with her big, black eyes, and pouring sadness into the children.  She wiped her blood and gore covered hands on her lovely black satiny dress, and started toward them, slowly, but deliberately. 
     At first, Jenner and Mae just watched her.  She moved so slowly that they made no move to get away, but as she got closer, Mae could feel the pain and hopelessness emanating from the fairy's little body.  Mae felt her own feelings of the last few days, feelings of doubt and loss, and the claustrophobia of the ignorance that she felt in the forest, intensifying, welling up and consuming her, and she didn’t know how to escape from this terribly beautiful creature sneaking up on her in plain view.  In desperation, Mae released her embarrassment, reached out, and took Jenner’s hand. 
     The fairy stopped and looked from Mae’s eyes to her hand in Jenner’s.  Suddenly, the dark fairy looked empty, her power drained from her, like blood from a body.  Her blank, glassy eyes fixed on their hands for a few long moments, then they dropped slowly shut and she fell to the ground.  Jenner looked at Mae, and Mae tore her eyes away from the wretched fairy on the ground to look at him.  Mae asked him,
“Is she dead?”
     “No, look, she’s stirring.”
     “Let’s get past her, before she wakes up.”
     “Good idea.”
     They ran past her, running through their fear still hand in hand, unabashedly holding on to each other for life. 

From Japan,

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