Saturday, May 7, 2011

To Mom

To my Mom,

Happy Mother's Day!  I'm half-way around the world and I'm missing you very much.  I want to hold your hand and hug you and sit next to you.  I want to sit with you after the sun goes down and contemplate the people in our lives and the happenings around us... you are the best at that.  I've always been good at concepts.  You've always been good at people.  I've learned a lot from you.  I always believe what I see, taking for truth the masks that people present to the world.  You've taught me how to see what people really mean, and why they do the things they do.   You've helped me feel more at home in the world.

Tiffany and Mom at the Getty in LA

I've told you again and again - you are so smart.  I know you'll scoff, but you are so resourceful.  You are like water, always finding a way through the toughest rock wall.  I still need more help from you in that regard.  I often forget that there is always a way, but you remind me and help me to the light.  Every time I talk to you I am smiling and shaking my head with wonder at how you bend this world to your will, whether it's getting $30 knocked off a new hurricane proof window or trading a car for a deli.  You are amazing to me.

To your family, to your kids, you are infinitely supportive.  I tremble for anyone who gets in your way when you are protecting one of your children.  If one of us is in the hospital or some kind of trouble, like magic you are suddenly there, directing doctors and traffic to best suit your needs.  You have been demanding and critical to a fault, you can't deny it, but you have also been the last one standing at the end of any trial, screaming, "Get up!  You can do it!"  Because of you, I can't stop believing that I really can do anything, and because of you, I do it all.  I don't always see it, but sitting here right now, as I try to tell you on this Mother's Day what you have done for me, I recognize that you have gifted me so much fuel for living a life that I am proud of.  Because of you, I will never have to wonder what it's like to be in a movie, or live in another country.  You've given me the courage to do what one has to do in regard to dreams:  Jump off the cliff and hope the parachute opens.  Many people are paralyzed by that prospect.  Not me.  Thanks to you.

I was lately stunned by a realization; there are things that only you know about me, and if I ever want to reminisce about my young life, or hear about my grandmother, or remember who ran through the glass door that summer, you are the only person I can turn to.  You are the only person in the world that can tell me some of the things that I want to know.  Being on the opposite side of the clock, I am in a position to realize how valuable the contents of you are to me.  When it's 7pm and I'm dying for a good talk, it's 6am for you.  You are sleeping and I'm left to fend for myself.  But, that's how my appreciation is deepened.  It's tough right now, but through that fire I am refined.  

Tiffany and Mom
Guess what?  I didn't send you a card.  I'm a bad daughter.  ;-)  Expect a package soon, though.  My best gift consists of my words, anyway, I'm sure you agree.  I hope you know how much I love you, how much I miss you.  The distance I'm feeling between us and between myself and all things comfortable and familiar manifests as physical pain sometimes...  A mother's duties are never fulfilled.  I need you now as much as ever.

Have a beautiful day.  Spend all day basking in the love you have created in the world.  Remember, on this day for moms, that three people on this Earth are better off because of you.  With all the words in my heart, I could never tell you how much I love you.

From Japan,
Your daughter,

1 comment:

Angie said...

Tiff, that was lovely! Grandma Sherry, I love you! Thank you for all you have done for Josh! You both are wonderful woman. Happy Mother's Day! (a day late). xo