Happy New Year!!
Today I got up at 7:53am because the am/pm were switched and the alarm didn't go off when I expected. I still got to school on time, at 8:12am.
Maybe it's cheesy, but I am wondering today what I should do differently this year. Why today, the 5th, instead of the 1st? Well, I've been in my pajamas until today. It's been one long day from Christmas to New Year's until today, the first day that I am required back at work.
I perceive a slight difference in people as I navigate my work place. People seem refreshed. Holiday excitement weens them still. People are talking to me more than they usually do and their smiles are more luminous. All of this points me toward the truth that real change surrounds me, so how will I respond?
I already spend too much time on self reflection and questioning, to what benefit I cannot see because I'm all up in my own face all the time. So, what I should do is stop the constant self evaluation and just trust myself a little bit. I need space and air. I need open sky. How does one escape one's self? By thinking about others or nothing, I suppose. That's why giving and gratitude are so important, and why meditation heals. Now to break the self destructive habit of ignoring and avoiding actions that compose a healthy lifestyle...
Forgive my stream of consciousness tangent...
My goal, resolution, and intention for this year is to trust myself more, and give myself tools to do so with confidence.
I am dissatisfied with this statement. It seems weak. Let me try again...
This year I will trust myself more. I will stop seeking approval outside of myself. I will eat well, go to bed on time, exercise, pray, and meditate.
Now, I diverge...
I'm in Japan, and I'm lucky to always have the stability of my family, but I too am constantly socializing with people that I hardly know, but feel close to because we are experiencing this huge, new thing together. I do feel a camaraderie with my fellow JETs inconsistent with the short time we have known each other. I hope they forgive me for my treating them with unearned familiarity.
Over the past few days, Knox started flying into tantrums where he throws himself face-first at the ground, slams the ground with his hands, and then looks up at us with furrowed brows to see our reaction. Any time he has ever had a tantrum where he is on the ground I say, "Oh, are you sleepy? Are you gonna take a nap?" He always gets up at the mention of a nap.
Knox identified the number of fingers Peter was holding up last night, one to four. He got a high five for each correct answer.
This morning we opened a card (thanks C and S!) with monsters on it. It was really cute and I asked Knox to count the monsters. He is soooo cute when he counts. I should post a video. His inflection goes up at the end of each number, and he sounds like it's the most pleasant thing in the world, counting. "One, two... One, two..." He gets a lot of numbers but takes some encouragement with those past "two."
We are getting ready for Hokkaido in February. We have to get Knox some warm boots, pre-rent some skiing gear because Yuki Matsuri is a really busy weekend, and I am avoiding asking for the days off for no good reason. Next time we are going tropical. The packing is so much easier. If you want to be jealous of us, you should look "Yuki Matsuri" up on YouTube.
What is your New Year's resolution?